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| well i haven't done this in a very long time, but i just need to get this out. i hope no one reads these anymore.i've been crying and i don't know why. i miss him i this, but it's over and i know that too. i don't understand my heart. it goes for the things i don't want nor do i ever need. he's far gone by now, but i just want him here by me. but this will never be. i could've loved him. i think i should've loved him. but i didn't. i would've given him everything i had. i gave him everything i could, but i guess my best wasn't good enough for him. can't take this shit anymore. IT'S FUCKING OVER STEPHANIE. but i just can't accept it. i don't want to drag this along any further than it is already, but it sucks when you feel so much for someone who could give 2 shits about you. so i'm gunna ask, why does this happen to the open hearted? but if i keep my heart hidden i'll never feel anything so what's the point in doing anything if no matter what it's always the trian light at the end of the tunnel. just waiting for you to get close enough to kill you. so do you turn and run or meet your fate head on? i don't know any of the answers so i guess i'll just keep on goin on trying to dismantle my delema. - We Are Nowhere and it's Now | | |
| ok so it's a friday afternoon. i should be getting ready to go out and have to fun at a show or act like an ass with my friends, or both. but nope. no money no car nothing to do. so i'm bored as FUCK and decided to do one of these fucking things.
now my boredum level is reaching it's peak before meltdown eruption. nothing to do but write in my "online journal". i honestly hope no one reads this b/c it's just degrading to yourself to read this.
sorry guys bad day bad mood and bored. not a good mix. oh and i'm listeningto fucking emo to make matter worse.
i'm gunna jet
peace from the bitchy chick
STEPH - athiest anthem | | |
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Betrayal Is A SymptomFaith,
is not something that I grasp
it's something that I fake,
as I'm slipping, as I'm falling through the cracks,
Faith
without actions is a mask,
for making the same mistakes
as I'm slipping as I'm falling through the cracks.
somehow I find beauty in our failings,
somehow I find meaning in these lies
somehow I'm made perfect in this fracture,
your back is begging sweetly for my knives,
I'm spilling blood,
glancing down to hide my face,
I walk with eyes closed tight through monuments of grace,
somehow I find beauty in our failings,
somehow I find meaning in these lies
somehow I'm made perfect in this fracture,
your back is begging sweetly for my knives!
my faith is a front, I'm spilling blood,
glancing down to hide my face, I walk with eyes closed
through monuments of grace, I'm spilling blood
glancing down to hide my face I walk with eyes closed
through monuments of grace
isn't it sweet how,
trusted with angels,
and how so quickly
I break my promises?
isn't it sweet, isn't it sweet, isn't it sweet, isn't it sweet? | - artist in the ambulance | | |
| oh man i need to get outa this fucking zoo called my home....
constantly fighting all the time again....god why can't my brother just move out. i mean honestly things were fucking awesome untill he moved back in. my parents weren't fighting everyone actually "got along" together. and now everyone's fighting again. i'm getting blamed for all his fuck ups. everytime he gets made and throws a hissy fit, i get in fucking touble. my mom can't yell at him for the shit he does because he's 19 but she can yell at me. i've actually been behaving as of late. i've been doing my school work and i've not been a bitch or anything.
as fucking soon as life becomes good he fucks things up.
- i didn't go to fucking jail
-i didn't drop out of high school
-i didn't smoke most of my life away
-i didn't fuck up royally
-i didn't do anything he did
i'm actually gunna get somewhere...i don't want to waste my life away so why do i always get in fucking trouble with the law and shit....
i actually think i hate him.....
blah | | |
| soo...my friend lee lewis asked me to go to homecoming with him....i feel bad but i kinda said i don't want a date(well i really do want a date just not him,yeah i know i'm a terrible person)..i "saved him a dance" yeah that's pretty akward...i feel really terrible, but i know i shouldn't
moving on to lighter moods....i went to the doctors today....found out i have bad tendonitous in my right foot/nice lil ole sprain....and i have to go to physical therapy 3 times a week for 6 weeks...well that's pleasant...oh and if i don't and if i don't where arch supports, then by the time i'm 20 my tendon can just snap off...oh yeah that just sounds so peachy right??...lol
hmmm....figured moving on is easy if you find something else to do....MY MURAL!!!!!yay hehe i'm turning my room into a mural...all my friends hehe... just gotta get this machine from lexii's aunt....blow up my drawings onto my wall and BAM i can paint it....hehe....lol
well i'm gunna stop here....
oh and i love bright eyes thanks to a "former friend"...i'm going from ska to straight up emo lol.....oh jaime linn moore is aparently going to "hook me up" with 2 guys i have yet to meet...but aparently this one guy brian if i'm not mistaken is "perfect" for me...lol
i wanna meet the other one though (hardcore kid with black hair down to his eyes who loves ska and loves to skateboard...what's not to want????)lol
peace...(my kitty wants to play
-searching through souless eyes - big 7 | | |
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